Lets be real. Not every relationship you enter is going to be great. If you are lucky, your first will be your only relationship. For others, it takes trial and error, and giving people chances on a gamble that they will not destroy what was created. Now in most magazines, you read “How to keep a guy”, or “How to get the guy that you want” crap articles. Yes I have read them from my sister’s magazines and I’m going to tell you, doing that crap will not work.
But there is one topic no one ever talks about, and that is how do you heal from a relationship? If you listen to some of this trash music today, you hear ” I never cuff them h*** ” (Not talking about Ghostface Killah, his music is real) and you hear “There’s nothing like getting over my old ***** like getting over the new one”
That is wrong. Best way to get over a relationship is to heal from the current one that you were in. You have to mentally and physically heal, sometimes even more so if you were the one that was dumped. If you listen to these songs and the so called stats quo of music, you will not end up only hurting yourself more, but you will also hurt other people. So how to do it? Here is how you do it.
Discover the stats quo of time needed.
Basically take the relationship that you were in, divide the time spent by 2. So a person in a relationship for a year should take at least 6 months off for themselves. A person in one for 4 years, will need 2 years, etc, etc, etc. Why is this time needed? You need time to find closure, and once it is found the healing process will begin. And when this begins, all hell breaks loose. You go through phases, seven to be exact:
- I still love him / her phase: Happens at the very start of a break up. You will cry, and think what did I do wrong? If you did nothing wrong, it’s even worse because you can not grasp what just happened.
- The stalker phase: where you constantly check their social media (if they have it) : You will want to know what is going on with this person. And will want to know by any means. You become a borderline stalker. Not willingly but it’s something because you are stuck listening to your heart at this moment. At the same time, you are looking for a reason to hate the other person so you have a valid reason to ignore your own heart.
- The period of waiting / the final hope phase: where you wait for that person and only that person: You will wait by the phone, check your text messages, anything in hopes that this person will “hit you up” and if they do for some odd reason, you will get happy once again. However do not place any bets that you will end up again with this person. Many people will still text you and everything because they feel some guilt of letting a person go, especially if that person they let go was good to them.
- Angry phase where you become pissed at the thought of them : You want to toss all of their crap away, you want to block them , you don’t want to talk to them, or even run into them. Basically you want to run away from them. Some people actually do run, which is funny to a point. Others just want a means of getting away so they never see that person or cross paths with that person again. At this point, I advise you to take everything they ever gave you and place it in a bag or trunk, and lock it away. You will need it to test yourself later on.
- The reconstruction phase : this is when you start healing. You get up and you say “To hell with this” You start going out, even alone, or with a small select group of friends. This is the time when you begin to smile again and you realize that you were in the darkest place a person could be in.
- I’m alive phase: Depression is over. You begin to live again. Your emo bout is over and you once again enjoy what you used to do. Welcome to the reset of what was once you. What you once enjoyed, you enjoy once again. You go out, you invite people out with you, you begin to share your moments again with people. This is the time of reset.
- The Reset : You have truly become the person you was once was. Do you care if you run into your ex? Not really. You may still want to avoid that person however if you do run into them, it won’t bother you. This is the time when you are ready to move on. Welcome back. It’s at this point you are free to enter a new relationship. Remember stage 4? Go to that bag or your stash of stuff, I bet now looking at that stuff it doesn’t bother you. At this point you can toss it out, or save it if you choose to, choice is yours.
How fast does a person go through these phases, depends on how long you were in the relationship. The longer you are in one the longer each phase will last. Look at high school kids, they have a 3 month relationship and go through this within a month’s time.
For adults, take it slow, heal correctly and then move on. If you don’t what will happen is the same thing that will happen to any injury, you will tear open the wound, and it will not heal correctly. If you constantly tear open a wound, you will end up needing surgery.
Surgery in this case can be the form of pills and other things, that you don’t want to go through.